Paige Nienaber’s Midweek Idea Dump: The Dreaded Unexpected

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(By Paige Nienaber) First, kudos and even an accolade to the stations in Tampa who were able to TWICE get through a major hurricane in a couple of weeks. They were able to stay on the air and provide valuable info to the few people who didn’t evacuate.

Hurricanes aren’t surprises. They don’t sneak up on you. A great gauge of a brand is how they deal with the stuff that just suddenly happens. Like Liam Payne. Classic Rock is used to having artists die. It’s the age factor. But Liam and Taylor Hawkins were sudden and shocking.

Y94 in Fargo, which is, by any criteria, a fantastic station, had the afternoon guy just blow up the format and start fielding calls. With things like Liam Payne (and tragedies like school shootings), people need to talk. Radio was the first social media and giving the audience a place to vent is still a great strength for us.

When I worked in San Francisco we had a disaster plan. Should an earthquake hit, it was highly improbable that we’d be able to muster everyone for a meeting, so we all had little laminated cards that spelled out our duties should we get hit.

This would not be an entirely stupid exercise to work out. If there’s a shooting or a tornado or an artist passes tragically, who is in charge of doing what? Time really does matter in these instances and if something immediate occurs and an hour later you’re just plowing along as if it was a normal Wednesday afternoon, you’re going to sound a little out-of-touch with the audience and their reality.

When the 35W Bridge collapsed I heard about it from my client in Greece who sent me a terse, “Are you alright?!” email. I went and told my wife that I thought something bad had happened and we turned on the TV to find we were in the middle of the #1 news story on the planet.

First, cell service crashed and 2.5 million people were suddenly in 1985. At some point the OM from my client in Oklahoma City who was in town at the Mall Of America called, incredulous that a station was doing The Hot 7 @ 7. All I could say was, “Of course they are…”

Stuff happens and if you can react quickly to it, that’s something that an iPod or Sirius could never do.

And now on with the Dumpage.

America Lacks Talent

Looking at nighttime TV, there are a dozen talent shows and because we find it life-affirming when other people fail (like on COPS) their blooper/awful performer clips pull ridiculous numbers.

So why not DO the anti-talent show? Kind of like the Gong Show. Airhorn Karaoke? Want to play into a stereotype? Have dads dancing competitively to win some kind of teen-prize for their daughter.  We’re the Fart Joke Medium, why not do the opposite and go for the laughs

Pass The Turkey

A free turkey is always a great prize the week before Thanksgiving. You can race them like KLUC, do Turkey Bingo (pooping) like KOB-FM, or bowling like Mix in Cincinnati. One of the stations did Pass The Gravy, which was a water balloon toss (filled with a brown substance). Last one to break, won a turkey.

If you could get a mega, fully prepared meal from a grocery store or restaurant, then why not toss footballs and women? Catch and win. Like the Valentine’s contest at KSON in San Diego.

A Sign That The New Night Jock Is A Keeper

When she’ll dress up as the sister station’s mascot and dance in a parade. 

The Ugly Tie Quilt

I saw this done by a TV station in Portland as a fundraiser for a pediatric cancer charity. They had men contribute and donate all of the ugly ties in their closets to be sewn together into a quilt that was then auctioned off to some rich patron of the arts. Bill Lee once wore an “Oldsmobile Dealers Of Ohio” tie to an event. I still, somewhere, have my Best Western tie from when I was in college. There’s a bit here.

Human Space Invaders

So, you have a crowd of people you need to entertain? This is from an iHeart Marketing Guy who was formerly the Marketing Guy for a minor-league ball team. This… is cool. And stupid. And stupid is often cool.

Collective Sigh

Was just discussing how Thanksgiving seems to be the most stressful of the Hallmark Holidays. It’s the perfect alignment of exhaustion, relatives, close confines, alcohol, and travel.

Shellie Hart once did a Primal Scream Moment at KUBE on Tax Day. She took the mic and invited her audience to step outside and scream it out.

At 5 o’clock the night before Thanksgiving would be a collective sigh. Play some relaxing spa music while the talent encourages the audience to take a deep breath, embrace inner peace, and let it out. “You can get through this.”

And I haven’t seen anyone do Thanksgiving Bingo.

Psychic Tiff

If you have a good psychic, you are truly blessed. But what you do with them will determine whether this is a home run or not. So, screen the people ahead of time. We want good questions and situations and not the same questions about work and romance that get repeated ad nauseum.

Zero and Amy work with Psychic Tiffany and she’s bonafide outstanding. Instead of taking questions, she helped one of the talent regress to a past life where she witnessed her death from exposure and pneumonia. (“Good mornin’ evrabuddy!”) Her contact email [email protected]

Confetti Cannons

One of the things that will cause a qualifying contest to fail is the payoff. There’s just an announcement of the winner after some invisible draw.

A station-to-remain-nameless is going to get their dozen or so qualifiers for a big Taylor prize, in the parking lot. And like a gender reveal, they’ll each get a confetti cannon. If they get the loan cannon with pink, they win the prize.

Actual Darn Morning Show Features

From the supremely creative and odd Laura Daniels at WHTT in Buffalo where her show has gone from 7th to 2nd in 14 months. You can’t beat great content.

  • Mystery Voice – AKA Mystery Voice Monday. I gave 3 little-known stats about a celebrity, then played an abstract quote from them. Name the voice and win.
  • Two-Second Tune – AKA Two-Second TunesDay.  I play the first 2 seconds of a song. Get the title AND artist and win.
  • Way Back When – AKA Way Back WhensDay. I say 3 things that happened in a particular year, then give 3 years to choose from. Choose the right year & win.
  • Three’s Company – AKA Threes Company Thursday. I grab clips from songs and put them together so they make a sentence. Name the 3 artists & win. (e.g. “If you like pina coladas, and” “cheeseburger in paradise”, “come to my window.”  Rupert Holmes, Jimmy Buffet, Melissa Etheridge.)
  • The Flip Flop – AKA The Friday Flip Flop. I play a portion (like 4-5 seconds) of a song backward. Identify the title & artist and win. I’ve also done “Name the Baby.” I isolate the word “baby” from a song and they have to identify title & artist. Almost every song on earth has the word “baby” in it.

Paige Nienaber insults/consults more than 100 radio stations on Fun ‘N Games (Marketing & Promotions). Find him at CPR Promotions. Read Paige’s Radio Ink archives here.

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