(By Kelly Orchard) When the editor of Radio Ink asked me to write an article about the subject of death, grief, and loss, it took me by surprise. Who in radio would want to read about this topic? I have my own personal experience with grief and loss, and conversations with my friends in the business revealed that I was not the only one. This is a tough topic to write about, and I do so with unconditional compassion for those who have suffered the greatest loss anyone can imagine.
I’m a second-generation radio broadcaster. My dad was an engineer for RKO in Los Angeles for 21 years before he set out to build his first radio station in 1980. At a family-owned radio station in a small market, my older brothers and I were groomed to perform duties in all aspects of the operation. After three years on the air, my brother Buck was killed in a car accident at the young age of 23. He was an integral part of the operation: our top biller, often ran the board on weekends, and was one of our on-air staff, lending his voice on commercials, voice-tracking, and recorded nightly newscasts.
The news of my brother’s accident spread like wildfire in our community and of course made front-page headlines in the local newspaper. Our family had no opportunity to grieve privately.
The most difficult part was the realization that we still had a business to operate. We weren’t a retail store that could remain closed for a period of time so we could get our bearings — a radio station must operate 24 hours a day; we had employees who still needed to earn a living and advertisers who were counting on their ads running — and, sadly, his death occurred at the end of the month, so my mom and I had to get the billing out.
What we really longed for was the world to stop spinning so we could mourn. It was impossible.
As a market manager, this is the most difficult thing you can encounter in your tenure at your station.
Along with my consulting and coaching company, Orchard Media Services, I have also become a licensed marriage and family therapist, and interned as a bereavement coordinator for a hospice agency. Life-and-death matters are my specialty, and it is an honor to provide support and compassion to those suffering grief and loss.
Here are five things you can do to help your staff cope:
Call a staff meeting immediately. After making all the necessary notifications that your company must make, including telling listeners, advertisers, and the community, as the leader, you must give your team an opportunity to mourn openly. You may want to bring in a grief counselor to facilitate the meeting if you don’t feel equipped. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and don’t feel that you need to have all the answers; after all, this is a tremendous loss for you too.
Contact your employee assistance program and offer grief counseling. One market manager I spoke with shared that they immediately reached out to their EAP provider and paid to bring in grief counselors to provide ongoing support for staff members who were struggling.
Pay your respects. Remember to pay your respects to the family of the deceased. Even if they live out of the market and you’ve never met them, they will appreciate and always value your compassionate call to share your sorrow. Be prepared to share a fond memory and tell them how much you valued working with their family member.
Host a memorial service. Of course the family of the deceased will have a service, and co-workers are usually welcome to attend. You might consider hosting one for the radio station staff so they have an opportunity to meet together to share memories, tell stories, and find support. I recommend doing this off-site, perhaps in the meeting room of a local restaurant. It doesn’t need to be elaborate, just an opportunity to honor the individual and allow your staff to grieve with their co-workers.
Nobody grieves exactly the same way, so be flexible. Everyone handles grief differently. Some mourn openly and want to talk about it, while others will remain quiet, and it may even appear that the death has had no impact on them. Others will swing from one emotion to another. Some will want to keep busy working, while some may need time off. Use your best judgment.
The “Five Stages of Grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) are real, but not linear. One can be in one, or two, or three stages simultaneously or swing like a pendulum from one to another. Observe and listen, be flexible, and allow people the time they need to process this loss. Some will be more profoundly impacted than others, and some won’t show any signs at all but will keep their feelings and sadness inside.
As a market manager, you have the unfortunate job of keeping the business operating during this crisis. If this happens to you, I say this from a place of experience. I’m sorry that you’re in this position. You too will grieve, so practice self-care and don’t deny your own feelings. Remind yourself that grief takes time, but the radio station must stay on the air. Give yourself and your team permission to grieve in your own ways, offer flexibility and support where appropriate, and know when to bring in a professional, because there is no way that you will have all the answers. There is no way to “prepare” for death, but you do have options for support.
In addition to more than 30 years in broadcasting, Kelly Orchard has a Master’s in psychology and a Bachelor’s in social science, with an emphasis in organizational leadership. She’s a 2008 graduate of the NABEF Broadcast Leadership Training Program and an FCC compliance specialist. Reach her at [email protected].
